Fear of death

Fright of life

My cocoon of isolation

They know me and sing of my misery

The classic tragedy the ode to uselessness

I am in here

Needy and outstretched but don't look at me I'm not worthy

What would the world be if only

If only I didn't settle

If only I kept the flame burning brightly instead of under my bushel

I am worthy but fear the pain the rejection or lack of it

I must speak the truth but not too loudly 

Not to attract attention of critics and other truth seekers

I am so ashamed I wasted my gifts and talents

My soul aches and writhes in anguish

The strength withers and fades atrophied by my statue

If only I could teach you, teach me I know, I know

Why are my feet frozen my lips clasped silent?

There is so very much I yearn to share but

But 

But 

BUT!

I sit alone pen these words no one will read

Pray to a God I know but do not feel

How could I 

Such torture such misery exists in spite of a loving God

She/He created such beauty and wonder

And abandoned me to a family of fear and doubt

Now I fear my justice is at hand

I have tried to walk and talk the path

That is whispered and muttered the truth in the dark

And creped in near standstill speed hidden in the shadows along the path

I have loved and felt emotions to the extreme

Yet I contain a hole that I can not fill

It scares me how can I be consumed by a nothingness within

I am grown but have a hidden box of innocence I hoard

I spin and spin and spin dizzy and sick but unable to stop

Help me self stand up and be you help me self

Why, oh why, oh why and it doesn't matter why

How can I be so strong and so weak?

What reason is there? Logic is never emotional but I am both

I am still motion, logical feelings, juxtipositioned opposites

So much future might lie ahead but why if you remain the same

Good thoughts hiding in the stillness

Too late for any effect or affect

Listen to the music of life the beating of your heart the song of your soul

Close your eyes to the shouting of the horrors the world spits upon you

Redeem your regrets for a ticket on the train of wonder

The mirror reflects light and shadow colors and illusion

Live the illusion it's ok you can dream again

You are who you are and can be who you need to be another time

Time is just another illusion a prison of thought and reaction

If you move the hole within you can see is not in you its just where you have been standing

You can untie the knots of restraint keeping you quiet and still you will not run wild

Live, dance, celebrate and become the smile you wear