So what is it like
sadness and despair
the awareness of constant doubt
concentrating on nothing to alleviate the pain
a cloak of darkness in an empty room
grief and anger subdued into a concentrated acid
the question of purpose or reason
the lack of justice or mercy
the trobbing flow of blood beating inside the brain
that vast distance from everyone
even if they sit next to you and hold your hand
that anguish of lost faith
the pit of self swallowing all hope
the ingestion of circumstances to produce persecution
the sink hole of the heart consumes the garden therein 
leaving a winter dessert wasteland
the suffocation of belief and desire
acceptance of tragedy
and the relief brought by the sickle of death
the longing for the end